XJENXCOREXX (![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small} xsilent_secrets) wrote,@ 2008-09-08 10:38:00 |
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Chuck Klosterman's 23 Questions
Answer if you want. They're interesting and probably some of the craziest questions ever. Klosterman writes "The 23 questions I ask everybody I meet in order to decide if I can really love them:
1. You meet a magician. He can do 5 simple tricks--pull a rabbit out of a hat, make a coin disappear, turn an ace to a joker, and two similar others. These are his only tricks, and he cannot learn any more. HOWEVER he is doing these tricks with REAL MAGIC. No illusions, he can actually conjure a bunny, and move a coin through space. He is legitimately magical, but limited in scope. Is this person more impressive then Albert Einstein?
2. Assume a fully grown horse is shackled to the ground with head held in place; conscious and upright, but immobile. Every political prisoner on earth will be released if you can kick this horse to death in twenty minutes. Steel-toed boots are allowed. Would you attempt this?
3. There are two open boxes on a table. In one lays a turtle, in the other Adolf Hitler’s skull. If you select the turtle you must keep it and ensure it is alive for two years, else you will be fined $999 by the state. If you select the skull you must apolitically display it in your living room for two years, but you will be paid $120/month. Which option do you select?
4. Genetic Engineers have developed a super gorilla. It cannot speak but has a vocabulary of over 12 000 words in sign language, an IQ of ~85, and a sense of self awareness. The 700lb creature becomes infatuated with football. ESPN analyst Tom Jackson speculates it would be borderline unblockable and would likely average 6 sacks a game, but may be susceptible to misdirection plays. The gorilla has made it clear he would never intentionally injure an opponent. You are the commissioner of the NFL: Do you allow the gorilla to sign with the Oakland Raiders?
5. You meet your soul mate. The catch: every three years someone will break both of the love of your life's collarbones with a crescent wrench. Unless: you swallow a pill the will make all the music you hear for three years sound as it was being covered by Alice in Chains. Do you swallow the pill?
6. The Dream VCR is invented. A machine that can record your dreams for an entire evening. However, when you watch the recording you must be in the same room as your family and your closest friends. Would you still do this?
7. A Scottish marine biologist capture a live Loch Ness Monster. The same day a hunter in the Pacific Northwest shoots a Sasquatch on the thigh and takes it into captivity. That evening the president announces he has thyroid cancer and will undergo a biopsy next week. You are the front-page editor of the New York Times: What do you play as your big story?
8. You meet the perfect person; romantically ideal. But they are obsessed with Jim Henson's gothic puppet fantasy The Dark Crystal. They watch it once a month and pepper conversation with references, occasionally talking about a deeper philosophy. Would this be enough to stop you from marrying this individual?
9. A novel "Interior Mirror" is released to mammoth commercial success. Though no one can prove a direct scientific link a trend emerges: almost 30 percent of the people that read this novel become immediately homosexual. Many thank the book for helping them reach this conclusion about their sexuality. Interior Mirror is a crime novel with no homoerotic content and was written by a straight man. Would this phenomenon increase the likelihood of you reading this book?
10. Consider the opening riff to the Barracuda on Heart's Little Queen album, as well as the quote "You are not the kind of guy who would be in a place like this at this time of the morning...." Which of these two introductions is a higher form of art?
11. You are watching a dazzling movie in a crowded theatre. With 20 minutes left in the film you are struck with an undeniable feeling that your mother has just died. There is no logical reason for this, but you are certain. There is no evidence of this, and your mother has not been ill. Would you finish watching the movie, or immediately exit the crowded theatre?
12. You meet a wizard downtown. The wizard tells you he can make you more attractive. When you question the process, the wizard points to a random person on the street and says "I will now make them a dollar more attractive." He waves a magic wand. Ostensibly, this person does not change at all - but somehow this person is slightly more appealing. There is no tangible change to reflect his but they are undeniably sexier. The wizard has one rule: you can only pay him once, one lump sum up front. How much cash do you give the wizard?
13. Every person you have ever slept with is at a banquet and you are the guest of honour. No one is in attendance except you, your former lovers and the catering service. After the meal you are asked to make a fifteen-minute speech to the assembly. What do you talk about?
14. Cats suddenly read at a 12th grade level. They can not talk or write but can read silently and understand the text. Many cats love this new skill as it gives them something to do all day, others wallow in their own self pity unable to express themselves and depressed. Do you think the average cat would enjoy Garfield or would cats find this to be an insulting caricature?
15. You have a brain tumor. No discomfort but this tumor will unquestionably kill you in 6 months. Your life can be saved by an operation. The operation will require an incision to your frontal lobe. Thus after the surgery you will be significantly less intelligent, less logical, you will have a terrible memory, and difficulty understanding. The surgery is in two weeks. How you spend the next 14 days?
16. Someone builds an optical portal which allows you to see your own life in the future. You can only look into it for 30 seconds. When you finally peer into the ball you see yourself sitting alone on the sofa decades older then you are today. You are watching Canadian Football, and you are extremely happy. You are wearing a CFL jersey, your sofa is surrounded by books and magazines on the CFL, and there are CFL pennants covering your walls. You have become obsessed with Canadian Football. The future is static and absolute; no matter what you do this will happen, destiny can not be changed. The next day you are flipping through the channels and randomly come across a CFL game between the Toronto Argonauts and the Saskatchewan Roughriders. Knowing your inevitable future, do you now watch it?
17. You are sitting in an empty bar, in a lonely town you have never been to before, drinking Bacardi with a soft-spoken acquaintance you barely know. After 30 minutes a man walks in the bar and sits alone, you ask your "friend" about him. He is described to you as "a man with a past." 5 minutes later another man walks in, sits alone and you ask about him. He is described as "a man with no past." Of the two men, who do you trust less?
18. You won a prize with two options: 1) A year in Europe with monthly stipend of $2000/month; 2) ten minutes on the moon. Which of the two options do you choose?
19. Your best friend is taking a nap on your living room floor. This friend is going to die unless you kick them as hard as you can in the ribs. If you do not kick them, then they will never wake up. You can not explain this existential dilemma to your friend, if you inform them they will die. So you must kick them in the ribs and can't tell them why. What excuse do you fabricate to explain this attack?
20. Two movies are made about your life. 1) Indie-documentary comprised of interviews with your friends and family and bootlegs footage from your actual life. Critics are describing it as "brutally honest and relentlessly fair". 2) Big Budget biopic with stars cast as you and your acquaintances. Critics are split on the artistic merit, but audiences love it. Which film would you be most interested in seeing?
21. You go back to the age of 5 and relive everything retaining all the knowledge you have now. You will re-experience your entire adolescence with both the cognitive ability of an adult and the memories of everything you've learned by living your life previously. Would you lose you virginity earlier or later then the first time around (and by how many years)?
22. You work in an office. There are two rumors about you. The first is that you got drunk at the XMas party and had sex with a married coworker. This rumor is true, but no one believes it. The second is that you have been stealing office supplies and then selling them to cover a gambling debt. This rumor is false, but everyone assumes it is factual. Which of these rumors is most troubling to you?
23. You are living inside a sitcom. Everything about your life is a construction featuring an unfamous (as if he was never affected by the trappings of fame) John Ritter as himself (playing your TV father) this is not a sitcom; it is your real life. How would you feel about this?"
Answer if you want. They're interesting and probably some of the craziest questions ever. Klosterman writes "The 23 questions I ask everybody I meet in order to decide if I can really love them:
1. You meet a magician. He can do 5 simple tricks--pull a rabbit out of a hat, make a coin disappear, turn an ace to a joker, and two similar others. These are his only tricks, and he cannot learn any more. HOWEVER he is doing these tricks with REAL MAGIC. No illusions, he can actually conjure a bunny, and move a coin through space. He is legitimately magical, but limited in scope. Is this person more impressive then Albert Einstein?
2. Assume a fully grown horse is shackled to the ground with head held in place; conscious and upright, but immobile. Every political prisoner on earth will be released if you can kick this horse to death in twenty minutes. Steel-toed boots are allowed. Would you attempt this?
3. There are two open boxes on a table. In one lays a turtle, in the other Adolf Hitler’s skull. If you select the turtle you must keep it and ensure it is alive for two years, else you will be fined $999 by the state. If you select the skull you must apolitically display it in your living room for two years, but you will be paid $120/month. Which option do you select?
4. Genetic Engineers have developed a super gorilla. It cannot speak but has a vocabulary of over 12 000 words in sign language, an IQ of ~85, and a sense of self awareness. The 700lb creature becomes infatuated with football. ESPN analyst Tom Jackson speculates it would be borderline unblockable and would likely average 6 sacks a game, but may be susceptible to misdirection plays. The gorilla has made it clear he would never intentionally injure an opponent. You are the commissioner of the NFL: Do you allow the gorilla to sign with the Oakland Raiders?
5. You meet your soul mate. The catch: every three years someone will break both of the love of your life's collarbones with a crescent wrench. Unless: you swallow a pill the will make all the music you hear for three years sound as it was being covered by Alice in Chains. Do you swallow the pill?
6. The Dream VCR is invented. A machine that can record your dreams for an entire evening. However, when you watch the recording you must be in the same room as your family and your closest friends. Would you still do this?
7. A Scottish marine biologist capture a live Loch Ness Monster. The same day a hunter in the Pacific Northwest shoots a Sasquatch on the thigh and takes it into captivity. That evening the president announces he has thyroid cancer and will undergo a biopsy next week. You are the front-page editor of the New York Times: What do you play as your big story?
8. You meet the perfect person; romantically ideal. But they are obsessed with Jim Henson's gothic puppet fantasy The Dark Crystal. They watch it once a month and pepper conversation with references, occasionally talking about a deeper philosophy. Would this be enough to stop you from marrying this individual?
9. A novel "Interior Mirror" is released to mammoth commercial success. Though no one can prove a direct scientific link a trend emerges: almost 30 percent of the people that read this novel become immediately homosexual. Many thank the book for helping them reach this conclusion about their sexuality. Interior Mirror is a crime novel with no homoerotic content and was written by a straight man. Would this phenomenon increase the likelihood of you reading this book?
10. Consider the opening riff to the Barracuda on Heart's Little Queen album, as well as the quote "You are not the kind of guy who would be in a place like this at this time of the morning...." Which of these two introductions is a higher form of art?
11. You are watching a dazzling movie in a crowded theatre. With 20 minutes left in the film you are struck with an undeniable feeling that your mother has just died. There is no logical reason for this, but you are certain. There is no evidence of this, and your mother has not been ill. Would you finish watching the movie, or immediately exit the crowded theatre?
12. You meet a wizard downtown. The wizard tells you he can make you more attractive. When you question the process, the wizard points to a random person on the street and says "I will now make them a dollar more attractive." He waves a magic wand. Ostensibly, this person does not change at all - but somehow this person is slightly more appealing. There is no tangible change to reflect his but they are undeniably sexier. The wizard has one rule: you can only pay him once, one lump sum up front. How much cash do you give the wizard?
13. Every person you have ever slept with is at a banquet and you are the guest of honour. No one is in attendance except you, your former lovers and the catering service. After the meal you are asked to make a fifteen-minute speech to the assembly. What do you talk about?
14. Cats suddenly read at a 12th grade level. They can not talk or write but can read silently and understand the text. Many cats love this new skill as it gives them something to do all day, others wallow in their own self pity unable to express themselves and depressed. Do you think the average cat would enjoy Garfield or would cats find this to be an insulting caricature?
15. You have a brain tumor. No discomfort but this tumor will unquestionably kill you in 6 months. Your life can be saved by an operation. The operation will require an incision to your frontal lobe. Thus after the surgery you will be significantly less intelligent, less logical, you will have a terrible memory, and difficulty understanding. The surgery is in two weeks. How you spend the next 14 days?
16. Someone builds an optical portal which allows you to see your own life in the future. You can only look into it for 30 seconds. When you finally peer into the ball you see yourself sitting alone on the sofa decades older then you are today. You are watching Canadian Football, and you are extremely happy. You are wearing a CFL jersey, your sofa is surrounded by books and magazines on the CFL, and there are CFL pennants covering your walls. You have become obsessed with Canadian Football. The future is static and absolute; no matter what you do this will happen, destiny can not be changed. The next day you are flipping through the channels and randomly come across a CFL game between the Toronto Argonauts and the Saskatchewan Roughriders. Knowing your inevitable future, do you now watch it?
17. You are sitting in an empty bar, in a lonely town you have never been to before, drinking Bacardi with a soft-spoken acquaintance you barely know. After 30 minutes a man walks in the bar and sits alone, you ask your "friend" about him. He is described to you as "a man with a past." 5 minutes later another man walks in, sits alone and you ask about him. He is described as "a man with no past." Of the two men, who do you trust less?
18. You won a prize with two options: 1) A year in Europe with monthly stipend of $2000/month; 2) ten minutes on the moon. Which of the two options do you choose?
19. Your best friend is taking a nap on your living room floor. This friend is going to die unless you kick them as hard as you can in the ribs. If you do not kick them, then they will never wake up. You can not explain this existential dilemma to your friend, if you inform them they will die. So you must kick them in the ribs and can't tell them why. What excuse do you fabricate to explain this attack?
20. Two movies are made about your life. 1) Indie-documentary comprised of interviews with your friends and family and bootlegs footage from your actual life. Critics are describing it as "brutally honest and relentlessly fair". 2) Big Budget biopic with stars cast as you and your acquaintances. Critics are split on the artistic merit, but audiences love it. Which film would you be most interested in seeing?
21. You go back to the age of 5 and relive everything retaining all the knowledge you have now. You will re-experience your entire adolescence with both the cognitive ability of an adult and the memories of everything you've learned by living your life previously. Would you lose you virginity earlier or later then the first time around (and by how many years)?
22. You work in an office. There are two rumors about you. The first is that you got drunk at the XMas party and had sex with a married coworker. This rumor is true, but no one believes it. The second is that you have been stealing office supplies and then selling them to cover a gambling debt. This rumor is false, but everyone assumes it is factual. Which of these rumors is most troubling to you?
23. You are living inside a sitcom. Everything about your life is a construction featuring an unfamous (as if he was never affected by the trappings of fame) John Ritter as himself (playing your TV father) this is not a sitcom; it is your real life. How would you feel about this?"
